


ninety-nine bottles of non-alcoholic beverage on the wall

by CampionSayn



Series: the anthony trollope way [5]
Category: Super Fun Sexy Times - Meredith McClaren
Genre: Gen, Multi, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-01-16 23:09:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21279260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CampionSayn/pseuds/CampionSayn
Summary: Did Wonder ever call Freezer Burn's number?Did the Speedster heed Elio's strict warning?Did Shade and Recluse ever go shopping for more adorable clothing?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I hereby plant this flag in the name of this comic collection being honestly just...so great. Also, I'm pretty pissed that there is nothing else in the archive for this, wtf people.

You appreciate things once you start dating a mercenary with more scruples than average.   
  
Things like rent controlled apartments in New Jersey where nobody will notice two brightly clothed individuals sneaking in and out.  
  
There wasn't an ounce of salt anywhere to be found in the tiny rat hole of an apartment, which was surprising until one considers that Wonder's new boyfriend had hands that were literally ice and, oh, that's right, that would be like keeping acid out in the open.  
  
The place was also immaculate compared to the homes of most villains or villains-adjacent whom the hero had to wander and sneak through on occasion at the behest of his mentor when the other had better things to do or was passed out after a hard day of fighting people that were spectacularly out of Wonder's league and the younger was trying to be a good partner. There was a heavy duty vacuum kept in a side closet and a handheld mini in both the living area _(if it could really be called that; a threadbare sofa obviously taken off the street and dry cleaned and a coffee table with crosswords and takeout menus strewn over it)_ and the kitchen.  
  
Also, the place smelled a weird combination of stuffed cabbage and bergamot; obviously not intentional and something the blond apologized for immediately upon Wonder's first walk-through.  
  
"I dunno, I think the guy who sub-sublets the place rented it out to an Asian family before me and some really old guy from Russia before them and their diets caused the kitchen to kind of imprint on the cuisine?" Jack hummed, rummaging through cupboards for what he called a meal, but Malcolm called expired ramen, "I tried fumigating, but that just made it worse. I have incense if that'd help?"  
  
It helped a lot, actually. As long as they were burning either lilac or strawberry wine organic based incense, Wonder could actually block out the grossness and focus on the coffee he usually brought along with him.  
  
Or focus on his boyfriend, which was a lot more fulfilling, especially when they were doing couple-y things, as you do.  
  
Not just sex, either, though that was fantastic.  
  
Things like patching each other up when shit hit the fan on all sides of the aisle, as it were--alien invasions, cults finding a super weapon, someone delving into the mystic arts and being hell-bent on domination.  
  
Things like figuring out the weekend crossword puzzles with pens to see which of them was smarter (Malcolm was).  
  
Trying their hands at making each other surprise meals when one or the other was too tired to fry an egg and seeing who was superior with butter and seasoning (Jack was).  
  
It was nice, even when it wasn't. Even when one of them dripped blood on the floor while the other lugged them over the threshold and dropped them on the toilet with the terry-cloth covered lid emblazoned with sharks because Jack remembered what he deemed their "first date" and would never stop ribbing Malcolm about it.  
  
So many puns.


	2. Chapter 2

A literal hitman saved his life and gave him a firm dressing down on his abilities as a hero, with the promise and warning that if he didn't make it to twenty-one without going back out into the night to do the same thing over and over again, he'd receive a return visit.  
  
But it was so hard.  
  
Fighting crime, helping people--not like his cousin, but not entirely different--had felt like something he was good at and could be even better at with practice. If at first you don't succeed and all that.   
  
Until, of course, he almost died and woke up with a really old guy that got paid to dismember people after stopping their hearts stepped in.   
  
How bad of a hero do you have to be for that sort of thing to happen?!  
  
Thomas sighed, leaning into the palm of his hand as he skimmed over the second page of his calculus homework for the third time in the last half-hour, not absorbing even the smallest amount of knowledge and just noticing that his eyesight was still a little blurry.  
  
His phone took that moment to alert him with a chirpy noise he'd originally downloaded because it was adorable, but now he just used for unknown numbers.  
  
He didn't even look at the thing before answering and pressing it to his ear, "I'm not out crime fighting, I am waiting for my cousin to get off work and doing my homework."  
  
"_Really_," Hush answered back over, probably hoping he was lying so he could do something about it and use it to fill up his time; guy was cold blooded, but it seemed like he was always just a step away from dropping in on Thomas because he was suspicious, but also bored out of his mind,_ "Then why do you sound exhausted?"_  
  
"Dunno," he shrugged, regretting it instantly as the back of his neck jostled the bruising from getting knocked out with what he'd been assuming was a tire iron, but couldn't be sure, "I just have a migraine and stuff."  
  
"..._Stuff_?"  
  
"Yeah, stuff. Not too unusual for what I was used to doing three nights ago, but usually when someone knocks me out I just have a bump, some bruising and a little nausea. The blurry eye stuff made it hard for me to focus in class and now it's making it hard for me to focus on homework," he shrugged again and actually hissed a little; the man could not see him, why was he aggravating his own self when the man couldn't see him?!  
  
_"Wait, wait, back up; you've have nausea, a migraine and blurred vision since I dropped you back home?"_  
  
"I just said that, didn't I?"  
  
_"That means you might have a concussion."_  
  
"Yeah, and?"  
  
From the absolute silence on the other line, the former Speedster assumed he'd been hung up on.  
  
Then there was knocking on the glass sliding door leading from the kitchen to the back patio and the teen almost jumped out of his skin when he found the very cranky old hitman at his door just fucking glaring at him.  
  
The man hung up the phone when Thomas walked over and opened up, despite all instincts that were also causing him to rattle his hand on the door.  
  
"How did you make it this long without knowing that a concussion's effects should have worn off by now and could be serious if not?"  
  
"I, um..."  
  
Hush bent down, picking up the shoes the teen took off the moment he got home because it had been raining earlier and his socks had been soaked through. Then he pressed them to the chest of the (former) hero with a look like thunder.  
  
"Put these on, I'm taking you to the clinic."  
  
"But, my cousin--"  
  
"Does not work in the ER nor the small building across from it. The clinic is free and evidence of a visit will not be charged to his insurance. You're going to get checked out even if I have to haul you up and drag you there. Are we clear?"  
  
"Y-Yes, sir?"  
  
"Good," he grated out, eyes squinting in annoyance at what was probably the start of his own headache, "Now, quick-quick, like a bunny; I have opera tickets for my husband and myself and don't want to miss the opening to La Bohem just because you're incredibly foolish."  
  
Right after Thomas almost tripped over himself at the idea of the hitman before him being married, he did a double take and blinked, "The opera? I was right, you're REALLY old."  
  
"QUICK LIKE A BUNNY!"  
  
"YES, SIR, SORRY!"


End file.
